Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am available for nakedness
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
