i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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