You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
