Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
