Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
