If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This is my gift to your gina
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
