well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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