just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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