i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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