I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
