you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
