U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
