I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
