Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
