May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
