as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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