Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
