physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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