if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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