My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
