Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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