sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize