Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
