I am spending my child support on dildos
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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