i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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