your thong is hanging out like whoa
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
