Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
