I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
