i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
