im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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