at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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