I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
