The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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