i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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