i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
