Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have aggressive nipples.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
