If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
