we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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