so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
