god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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