Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just high enough for therapy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
