The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
