I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
