i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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