That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
