You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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