Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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