I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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