Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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