I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
