Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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