im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
