I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
