If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
