if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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