i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
