If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
