Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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