Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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