as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
