I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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