why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
