You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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