hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
