love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
