They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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