Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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