i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
