Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
