Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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