Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
