First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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