carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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