Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
