He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
