She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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