My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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