If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
