he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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