Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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