i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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