i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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