Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
