someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
