Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
