that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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