her vagine was all disorganized.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Quick, to the slutcave!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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