I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
