Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
